It was an unnatural snow in early April that got his attention, he looked out onto the front lawn and at the one pine tree. His life seemed to pass through his imagination today like a dream. He went to the bathroom and stared at the mirror. His face had gone gaunt and there were green circles under his eyes that were strained from the light. He wiped through his hair that was slightly greasy and took his fist and broke the mirror.
He walked out of the bathroom with his hand cradled in his other and started to cry, horrendous tears and wails came down his face and he groaned. His whole body shook and he suddenly stopped. He wiped his face with his hand now screaming in pain and looked out onto the yard. Something was happening to him and all of a sudden it went dark.
Later on sometime in the evening he got up in pain and looked around, no one was there he was alone. He thought to himself what have I done to be so alone and in so much pain. He stood shakily and went to the kitchen. He sniffed around and it wasn’t clean, he had progressively downsized his fortune to the now small condo that he owned. He was without money and sick.
He walked to the phone and picked up the receiver and dialed one number hers. All he said was “Babe I need you”sobbing. She replied “Hush now it will be alright, I’m on my way” He hung up and sat down on the sofa and though back and fell into a deep sleep.
The phone rang and he sat up from his bed, and answered “Hello” and she said “What are you doing right this minute.” He replied “Nothin why.” “Well, I’m baby sitting” she giggled “and the kids are asleep.” He cleared his throat over the phone and mustered an answer “Where” and she giggled and told him. He cleared his throat again and said “I’ll be right there.” She hung up and it hit her she was alone and didn’t know why she called, a call of insanity maybe. She walked about the room with the burnt orange carpet and tacky plaid sofa and chair. Turned on some music and went to the kitchen for a soda.
He wavy long brown hair swung about and she wore a tacky white mini with rinestones on it. The door slammed and he walked in heaving for air. His blue eyes bore into her and he smiled and she said “You ran it” and he smiled. “Give me a coke” he said through breaths and walked into the kitchen. She got out the coke and he grabbed it from her and swiftly used the old fashioned bottle opener placed under the counter.
“Can you breathe now” she said looking at his wet t-shirt and jeans that were tight on his firm buttocks. He guzzled the coke and let out a “Geez if you didn’t want me here why did you call” sarcastically. She looked at him aloof and smiled and said “I don’t know” and he walked after her into the living room. She sat down and he sat on top of her and she screamed “Offf”. “Oh sorry, were you sitting there” he said sarcastically. She looked at him with green eyes and said “How was band practice” and he groaned. “God, did you have to bring those morons up at this moment.” She laughed and said “What moment.” He smiled “You know our moment.” She smiled coyly and said “Were having a moment.” He smiled and said “Well, were alone and I thought” she broke in “Oh you thought, you thought.” He smiled and grabbed her around the waist and kissed her hard on the lips with just enough of pressure to take her breathe away. She pushed him away and he sat closer and kissed her again laying her back onto the sofa. He gently lay between her legs and his hands started working their way up her thigh into her skirt. She gasped for breathe and said “Wait” and “I don’t know if I’m ready,” his breathe was heavy now and he kissed her neck gently. She arched her back as his hand made with her panties. He slipped his hand gently into her panties, and she didn’t stop him. He got aroused by this and she kept kissing him. He unzipped her skirt and pulled it off along with the panties. He unbuttoned her shirt while she went for his pants. They were breathing heavily now and he sat up naked and said “I love you, and we’ll always be together” her eyes stared at him and she opened her legs to him. He groaned for a moment. They stared into each others eyes and clasped their hands together and squeezed so tight it hurt. He whispered “I’m gonna be a star someday and your coming with me” and she kissed his neck. She she whispered “That’s right.”
He came to in the midst of a scuttle of men putting him onto a stretcher. Her face came into focus, her green eyes and perfect features stared down at him. All she said is “Its gonna be alright now, I’m here you let me take care of everything, its gonna be ok” She grasped his right hand and even though he was in excrutiating pain he squeezed her hand back and said “You said we would always be together” horsely. She squeezed and he winced in pain. She looked at his hand and yelled “He’s got a broken hand take special care of it its his pick hand” He could hear her yelling orders at the men to be careful and did they know who he was and that she would have their jobs if they screwed up. He could see her white suit in front of the stretcher and they closed the doors. One hung an IV on his arm. They worked on him with tensile looks back and forth.
They arrived at a building, not a hospital it was he groaned “Oh god, rehab” and one of the men said “Betty Ford’s to be exact” and he groaned again and shut his eyes. The lights were so florescent inside he took his hand and put it over his eyes. She walked into the curtain and sat on his bed. “Babe, babe look at you my god look at you” she said. He looked at her and said “I like booze” and he smiled. “I like booze and drugs” he replied again. She giggled “Well, they don’t like you.” She looked down at his arms with tracks on them and started to tear. She patted his shoulder and kissed his cheek and said “The doctors here now, I have to go.” He groaned and reached out and said “Noooo don’t go, I never wanted to lose you but, I had to give up everything for it” She walked back to him and said “You had to give up everything for what” “You know for the music” he whispered. “Fore the god damn music man” he said. She looked at him and said “No you didn’t give up everything you lost everything because of the music” His eyes fluttered and he went unconscious. The doctor yelled “He’s crashing get the cart” and she backed out and people ran in the room. Twenty people ran in the room all at once. The doctor yelling out things to do, she backed away in tears and ran down the hall.
The Near Death
In a moment in time through a place that does not exist he felt his essence move out of his earthly body, looking at it from a visual place in the room. He suddenly and swifly elevated into an astral vision. Looking at a prism of color and light so bright that it was blinding he moved into it and was enveloped by it. He knew no words anymore but, the feelings and intense emotions were there. There was a presence that conveyed one thing to him peace. He felt so wonderful the peace of thought and movement and memory were gone replaced by only a feeling of intense peace.
He moved closer and closer into the lighted prism with shears of colors flowing through it, the colors seemed to pass through his essence like memories of his life. Every color that sheared through him was a memory of intense feeling. He now saw how others felt when he invoked their emotions. One intense shear of black went though him and not having vocalization anymore he suddenly knew what it was like to feel intense regret. He now regretted his whole earthly life everything that he had accomplished and done were black shears of emotional pain.
He somehow broke free of the shears, and started to move backward from the intense light. Knowing that he would return to his earthly body and be someone that only sheared violet and beautiful color. He got sucked back into his eartly body and felt himself gasp, and a voice was heard in the room a sweet voice near his ear said “We got you, and were not letting you go again.” He looked up at the voice and tried to focus, it was a beautiful blonde woman with green eyes and she was crying. He reached for her hand and said “I’ll write a little song about ya, beautiful when I’m well.” She replied trepidly “You look like, Oh my god you are, your him I used to listen to you all the time I have all your records at home in plastic jackets on the mantle.” He says “Well, take them out and play them, Honey” and he disappeared into a deep sleep.
He was dreaming again and this time it was about his third year of life, a gangly child with long blonde hair and a tail. His mother walked up to him in a burgundy dress with an paisley apron and said “Chance honey go wash your hands and come to dinner before it gets cold.” He looked at her and smiled and went to the bathroom and stood on a step stool of metal. His father walked in and nudged him and said “Don’t forget the soap, kid.” He grabbed for the sink to balance and fell off the stool and scraped his face on the toilet paper holder. He started to scream a big gash across his face now bleeding. His mother ran in and grabbed him up and yelled at his father “Whats going on”, his father in a guilty tone said “All I did was nudge him in play, Oh god I’m sorry Chance Daddy’s sorry” and his son in tears looked at him in anger and clung to his mother who moved him into the bedroom. His father followed and said “Daddy’s sorry, he was just playing Chance will ya forgive me” he said. His son through tears said “You pushed me daddy why” and cried a terrible wail. His mother angrily said “Get out get out now just go, go somewhere where I don’t have to look at you.” His father turned in humiliation walked over to his coat and slammed the door on the way out.
The music started a 4/4 time beat of the drums with strong bicepts hitting the drums, and wild blonde hair waving in time. It was joined by an acustic guitar that bled through terrible speakers scratchy from wear. He turned and his face stared at the garage door as if it were an audience. His face was porcelain tanned and his nose thin, and full lips with eyes of blue, he wiped his face with his hand and through the sweat you could see the gash on his cheek. He fingered his face the gash and though of his father, whom had left that night and never returned leaving six children and their mother to fend for themselves. He started to sing and looked down at his shoes they were worn and torn as was his corduroys. He looked up in determination and stared at the garage door and a mirage of an audience appeared on the doors. He moved about to the drummers beat hanging his head down with the down beat and up with the up beat. He thought of her last night and got a pang of lust in his groin. He sung about her now thinking of her and only her.
He ended song with a swift downstroke of his guitar that he repeated several times and the drummer stopped with him. He turned and fingered his face and looked at the door, there she was standing in the door way staring at him, they met eyes and fixed on one another for a moment and finally she looked down and he turned and started another song. He felt uncomfortable now, about last night did she feel some sort of regret, did she feel shame at losing her virginity he thought. He bagan to sing a stingy rock melody and gave her sideways looks every now and then and finally she smiled. He knew she was alright. The keyboards with a jet black haired man/boy with hairy arms played a solo and they met eyes again. He thought was she alright oh my god what if she’s pregnant. The thought screamed through him and she looked at him knowingly. He looked away anguished and started to sing again to the garage mirage audience.
The music ends and he turns, his drummer stared angrily said “Look man” and he threw his sticks down to the garage floor “If you can’t remember the god damn words then don’t be in the god damn band” and he got up and stormed out. “Yea” the keyboardist said “If you didn’t have your head in your ass all the time staring at her, you could probably remember a few of the words you moron, look you have talent we all see it but, you don’t even try man you don’t even try” and he stormed out of the garage. The nerd that they never talk to on the mi boards in the back of the room, who by the way was a genious at acoustics stared now looking from left to right and got up and left without saying anything.
He really valued his opinion and said “Oh you don’t agree with those assholes do ya” he pleaded for an answer “Do ya” and the nerd stared him down and said “You have talent use it” and left. She stepped down the three stairs and said “What do they know anyway” and he hung his head in shame and said “I can’t do it, if I do it were gonna lose each other” and she grabbed his chin and turned his face to hers and said “I’m coming with you, where ever you go and if its fame then I’ll be there, your never getting rid of me.” “You hear me, so don’t cop out you have real talent, your better than any of those jokes at the music store” she added. “Don’t be a loser for me” she said. “I don’t want a house in the suburb and a normal life, I want to be the wife of a star” she said. He looked up and through tears said “Really” and she said “Really.” “Now, I gotta go, you think about that for a while, babe” she said slowly. He threw his new guitar the one that he spent hundreds of dollars on at the amp and it made a fierce piercing noise. He yelled “You assholes don’t know anything, my life sucks man my mom is broke, and my sister is pregnant, look at my f-in shoes man you don’t know I don’t live like you, you prissy little bitch, I don’t have everything just given to me, I have to work at it, man” and she teared “I think if you put all that anger into your music you would be better,” “You would be the best” she said. He stormed about and threw more stuff around and yelled at her “I work my ass off scrubbing floors and begging for a break and taking care of these idiots, and its all for nothin, he threw the amp at the drums and they collapsed. He ended with “Its all for nothin man, I’m tired of it, I want some new god damn shoes.” She teared and said “I wish I could help, I’ll get a job, and help you” and he turned and looked at her and said “You would do that for me” in a low humiliated voice. She said “I would do anything for you.” “So, get your head out of your ass and you better start kissing mine” she laughed. He giggled and looked down at his watch and said “Oh shit I have to pick up my mom at work,” she looked at him and said “GO” and he ran out of the room and slid across the black LeBaron and got in fumbeling for the keys and screeched away.
The Nerd Scores
Lance, the mi board nerd pulled up in her driveway in his teal blue rabbit and stopped abruptly in the gravel. It was dusk and she slowly walked out of the garage in clogs and burgundy velvet jeans. She looked at him through the tinted rainex windows. His glasses were the only thing discernable to her from a distance and she smiled. He looked at her for a long time her every move and followed her into the car with his head forward and his eyes turned toward her. She jumped in and put one leg over the case of beer and strattled it. He turned and said “I, I well Michelob is the best” and she smiled and said “Are you trying to get me drunk tonight” and he smiled and said “Well, um alcohol is a depressant, but however it has been know to many to take inhibitions away from individuals.” She laughed and lightly slapped his head and said “Let go.” He put in a tape of the Beach Boys and started to sing in a high pitched voice and she grimiced a little and stared at him. He took out a envelope and said “I have tickets to Journey want to go” and she brightened and said “Sure when” and he didn’t say anything but, “Soon.” She smiled and got out a Michelob beer and started to try and take off the cap, he grabbed it from her and opened it with his mouth giving it back to her. She laughed and smiled and pushed her hair back from her face and drank.
He sang on and got to the corner of a fork in the road and turned off onto a dirt road. She said “This is the boondocks, huh,” “Yea, a friend loaned me his house tonight, I ah thought you would like to just hang out and talk,” “Oh yea just talk huh” and she smiled. He looked over at her and tried to gage her mood. “So, cheerleading fun” he said. “Yea, its ok, the girls are always on your case about stiff arms and vocalization” she said. “Yes, yes, you do have to yell don’t you” he said. “Till our voice is gone at the end of the night” she said. He stopped in front of a house and looked at the address and turned in. Later on that night they sat on a shabby floral country sofa with maple trim and he reached over to her and said “Can I kiss you” and she replied “If you have to ask then the answer is no.” He looked determined at her and moved in and took her by the neck and gave her a breathless French kiss without asking. He pushed her back as if to say what do you think of that you sassy girl. She smiled and grabbed him by the shoulders and moved in too close and started to kiss his neck and ear. She giggled and shoved him back playfully. “I want you, so much” he said breathlessly and moved in again this time pushing her back onto the sofa all the way down and getting on top of her. She giggled and arched her back and he kissed her neck playfully and gave her another breathless French kiss. They stopped both aroused, knowing what should come next their clothes had to go. They started undressing in a clumsy fashion her legs and pants were tied up in his legs. They managed to get naked after some clumsy moments. He stared at her a look of seriousness down at her beautiful upturned breasts and devoured them. She grabbed his head to her and moaned. He was grinding on her leg and she reached down to see how manly he was and was shocked at his large size with her opened eyes. He smiled at her knowingly and moved up her leg and slowly fumbled to her maidenhood. She gave a look of uncomfortable pain, and he asked “Does it hurt” and she nodded yes. He didn’t care and gave one hard thrust and she yelled out “Oh god.” He started to move slowly then more intensely. He was like a madman now wanting all of her kissing her neck then her mouth then her breast with his hands roaming up her body. She arched up to meet him at every thrust, they were doing very well for their first time. She looked up at his face and his eyes were closed with a look of determination and she smiled and closed her eyes. She said at one moment “Somethings happening oh oh, oh god” and he whispered “You had an orgasm” and she was still moaning and said “I’ve I’ve never felt anything so so” and broke off. He mudged up to her face and let himself go inside of her and sighed a high pitched “Ahhhgh.” They stopped and he lay on top of her for a while both unmoving, finally she said to him “I didn’t expect that” and he laughed as if he had won something very expensive.
A Morning Rush
He rolled over and stared at the lava lamp and tried to focus, his stringy thin blonde hair matted from sleep draped over his face. He looked around proudly at his basement bedroom with the orange shag carpet and the pictures of Janice Joplin on the wall. He rolled off the mattress and herd his mother yelling “Are you up, Lance” and he yelled back “Just barely ma.” He stumbeled he had went out with a couple of other guys after band practice and had a few beers. He walked to the bathroom and went. He pulled back the shower curtain and got in wooping at the cold water. The mold was bad and he didn’t even notice his mother had given up cleaning for him. He soaped up his body methodically and thought of a song. He began to sing the words in his mind. “Hey hey hey” and he broke off and he muttered “Needs a theme” and he shook his hair and said to himself “Me me me me” and checked his voice. The acoustics were good in the shower. He turned on his shower radio and the song came on with the intro and he joined in to it with the upbeat knowing every word. His voice was mellow and low and he was the one that should have been the lead singer. His voice held out for the song and twards the end of the song his mother peeked in and yelled “You’ll be late, Lance, get movin” she said hatefully. He popped out his head still singing and yelled “Mauaaa get out” and frowned. She slammed the door and added “And clean that bathroom there are things growin in their.” He finished the song and turned off the shower and got out and looked at his skinny body in the mirror, no stomach muscles but, large arms from drumming. He brushed and spit, and danced a little to the music getting on his pants and shirt for the day. He took one look around and kicked a pile of clothes into the closet and said “There” and left for school.
He looked up suddenly from bed and stared at the ceiling white with cracks, he looked over at the time and sat up suddenly. Stretched up and let out a sigh. He began to do push ups fiercely some one handed and some with clapping. He ran in place for a while and ran down stairs. No one was up yet, he got out the blender and put in whey, milk, and bananas and one egg. He drank it down fast, and flexed his arm muscles looking at his huge bicepts he smiled. He was proud of his body. He went back upstairs and herd his brothers and sisters banging around and fighting over the bathroom. He had put in a sink in his room and washed in the sink an old style pedestal. He looked in the mirror and combed his wet hair. He turned on the bubble radio and began to sing with it looking at it as if it were a friend. He opened the closet nothing was hanging and he grabbed the clothes from the floor throwing and sniffing them. He managed to find a pair without smell and put on the corduroys and mock satin shirt with the tattered collar. Someone knocked and he added “Enter” looking away from his sister who was pregnant and fifteen in shame he said “You ready” and she said “Yea, let go” and he followed her out of the room down the stairs, she was moaning softly at the weight of her baby on her bladder and he said “Did he call” and she replied “Hell, no” and he added “Well, I told you so” and she looked back with venom and said “Its none of your business.” He got so angry saying “My business, my business, I told you to stay away from him he was bad news, but, did you listen and now look at you,” “Yea” she said “Look at me” not knowing what to say. “He has ruined your life, Lorette, and he doesn’t even give a shit.” She looked down and said “Lets go, just don’t talk to me, I hate you” and he added “Well, I don’t like you either, I love you, and I’m here for you” he said in a low tone. She looked up and smiled and said “You mean your gonna help me” and he said “Oh course I’m gonna help you, you’re my blood, you dummy.” She turned and said “Ok, you jerk.”
Add other two characters
Five Months Later in Rehab
He walked down the hallway and noticed the pretty nurse with the French braided hair through the corner of his eye. He stepped in and sat down on a chair that consumed him with leather. He looked at everyone, they had been odviously resting, women with no makeup and men with tired circles and no energy lapsed on the sides of their chairs. An abrupt “Hello” came from the chubby counselor with auburn hair and a jacket that consumed her. He looked over and she was directing her Hello at him. “Everyone” she said “We have a new comer to the group today, Lance is it” and he whispered “Yes.” “Now everyone, I guess were gonna start with Lance and let him speak today as he is our newest victim as you will to the group.” He looked at her and said “I don’t have anything to say.” A blonde woman from the side of the group by the old ‘70’s style TV was phissing at him. He looked at her and said “What are you looking at” and her reply was “A has been” and he stared and replied “Well, I’m looking at a stupid blonde that fucks everyone that moves” he said. “Oh, yea, I haven’t fucked you yet” and he replied “You’ll get to it” and he laughed. “You know” he said vehemently “I do have something to say today” and he leaned his head back and looked up. “I saw heaven.” “Yea, they sent ya back didn’t they” she cackeled at him. He looked surprised at her and said with his head down “Yes.” The man with thin greasing hair and a starched white shirt piped up and said “I slept with her it was heaven” and he looked over at her. She smiled at him like a pet owner with an obedient puppy.
Lance glanced at him and said “They sent me away but, I can remember the most horrible feeling of regret, it was so painful to feel what that presence felt.” The counselor remarked “You shouldn’t talk about it then” and he looked at her and said “Well, why the hell not were odviously here to talk about something why not being turned away from heaven. There was a moment of silence in the room everyone felt uncomfortable and the blonde finally said “That that must of hurt immensely” and he looked down and started to whale with tears, tears that broke all of a sudden and his hoarse wheezing and gasps of breath between cries made everyone look down. He just sat there for long moments balling and gasping for breath and after a while he just simply said “Yea, yea it did hurt a lot.” No one comforted him no one moved they just looked down at the ugly red commercial carpet. The counselor finally said cheerfully “Well, I guess that’s enough for today” and he looked up at her and yelled angrily “Sit, down your gonna tell me what the hell I’m doing wrong” and she looked at him and said “You have to find that within yourself, no one can tell you, no one can give you that” she said. “Your gonna tell me how to love or no one is leaving here” and he grabbed for a Kleenex and wiped his face. The blonde looked at him and said “You have to be nice” and he looked over and said “That’s one thing anybody else got something to say,” “You have to stop wanting everything, cause when you stop wanting so much somehow things come to you when you deserve them” he said it so plainly. It hit him like a ton of bricks he had wanted to be successful so badly that he walked over everyone in his path and he was never nice to anyone in the band. He looked over at the girl that was only a teenager in the corner with her head hanging low, and remarked “What brought you here honey” feeling his first pang of remorse for his life he now wanted to gather this young woman up and give her some of his new found love. She stared at him and said “You know I used to listen to you a while ago until, until well everyone knows you do heavy drugs but, I stopped listening when you broke up with your wife and divorced her; the paper said so many terrible things about you and how you treated your wife” she said daintily. “You can’t believe everything you read in those scab papers” he replied. “Yea, but everything that was ever written about you, well you biography you always thanked your wife for being there for you, everyone thought that was so sweet, I mean a childhood sweetheart one that you would never leave.” “Yea” he said with regret “She was everything to me” and he started to cry again. He finally spoke and said “You know she’s the one that got me help” and everyone looked at him. He sniffed and wiped his face and finally ended with saying “I wasn’t everything to her though, I gave everything to the music, or rather it took everything from me.”
Everyone looked at him understanding now, being a rock star had taken everything away from him, his privacy, his sanity, his wife, and left him broken. The stupid blonde who was crying now said “You know if you took out all your anger on the music, then maybe you could be nice to your wife again.” He looked up and said “Like smashing everything at the end of my concert, like like it were a punching bag or something,” and the counselor said “We do have a class in anger management, here” and the young girl interrupted “Don’t listen to her she doesn’t know what were trying to say to you,” and he looked over at her. “If the music took everything from you, take it back and hate the music, hate the life of a rock star, don’t hate yourself and everyone else” she said. “You don’t know what its like its pure insanity what I do” he said. “I once had to to” and the blonde interrupted “We could never possibly know what its like to be a rock star, but, we know your in pain,” “I lost, I lost heaven man” he said. “I died and went there and they wouldn’t take me, sent me back, and you know what I felt when I went there “Pain” not mine but, hers” he said.
“Being kicked out of heaven, is definitely a sign of atonement” said the counselor finally saying something of help to him. He whispered “You have to be nice and you have to quit wanting so much.” His hands shook and he looked down at them feeling as though something had ripped through his heart. He got up and walked out and went to his bed down the corridor and say there for a while trying to remember what it was like to be in love with life like when he was young. He began to scribble on a piece of paper the title “Kicked out of Heaven” and he wrote a song a song that was close to his heart and went something like this:
When he was Young