Other Essays/What it is to be nocturnal term paper 41617

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Ever know how it feels like to sleep all day and feel so buried in work during the ungodly hours of the morning? (Refer to time of post and you'll know what I mean.) Well here I am. Racking my brains and feeling the extreme pang of guilt because at the back of my mind, I know that there are lost of things that I should be doing right now, but for some reason, I choose to do other stuff instead.

It really feels weird to be functional at this time of the day (err at which case you can consider night.) because for most people, this is when the hustle and bustle of everydays usually happen. In my defense, my immune system finally gave in and my worn out self has been suffering colds over the bottom half of the week. So understandably, I've been sleeping all day and just resting because I can't get myself to do something with a runny house and a throbbing head. Like yesterday, I was like super sleepy during the team dinner that I barely enjoyed it and was unable to accomplish my evil scheme of getting myself drunk before going home last night. I even fell asleep during our 7-hour stay at the SOM mall. Omfg. 7 hours wasted chatting and sitting away in that food abundant place. We actually ended up getting snacks from our ever so missed Great Wraps stall.

And you know what else is funny? Most of my sensible entries get concocted at this part of the day. I can't really explain why. I guess it's just this time when I get my creative juices flowing. (Wohooo. Is that why I managed to stay up studying the sucky 6-chapter coverage of our Econ quiz and edit my Comm paper at the same time?) But the downside of this is having to get really sleepy come the next day due to drained energy. That's just really sad. So the bottom line is: I have to get out of this silly routine.

I have this journal which I managed to maintain over a few months back. It was supposedly addressed to this one person and I was supposed to give it to him on our wedding day. Talk about naivety. I could just laugh at myself at the thought of it. I can't believe I was obsessively in love with a guy who used to treat me like trash. And cay I just say that we keep on having these weird once a month encounters? I'm really evil for not telling my bf about this. Not that I have something to hide or that I'm guilty of doing stuff behind his back. It's just not that important to have a slot in my storytelling time.

Anyway, in that pretty little journal was every detailed account of my special days with him. My thoughts about certain events, my feelings when we fight or break up and mostly rants and raves about our time apart and together. We also had this separate scrap book which we would fill up alternatively about the special occasions that we'd be a part of. We used to be so in love. Now, don’t' get me wrong. I'm so not nostalgic right now. I'm just trying to build a connection with the days when I formerly had all the time to write, unlike now.

Perhaps because I'm at a loss for inspiration. Most of the things I wrote pertained to painful and melancholic events, how I hated life and how I was the drama queen because of shallow reasons. I can't really say I'm having less of my share of those right now. As a matter of fact, I'm having deeper, life-changing problems that keep messing up my already imbalanced life. But I'm kind of grateful that I am able to rise above some, if not all, of those side orders. It's just that, I am incapable of transforming some into words maybe because of time constraints (you know, my schedule can't be a bit less hammering) or some other reason which really hinders me to do so.

I want to go back to the writer who I used to be. I want to stop putting nonsensical entries in my blog. (But then again, I am the only one who gets to define nonsensical.) I want to and I am so going to do it. I used to have the passion and I want to rekindle the fire back. I'm tired of just bumming around (even if people think that my schedule is far too difficult to maintain) and I want to make a difference in everything that I do. I'm going to start now by getting some sleep. :)

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